Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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