so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
