We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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