she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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