If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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