he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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