She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
