You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
