I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
