Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
