tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
