i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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