Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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