My hand turned me down
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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