I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
