I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
