Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We talked him into tasing himself.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
