I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
