what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
