i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
