If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
