yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
