i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
