when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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