things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
