I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
