so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
