remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
