well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
