Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
