When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
