what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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