she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
