jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
