is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
