that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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