im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
