we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
