real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize