from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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