she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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