very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
