theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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