bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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