When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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