at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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