dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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