Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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