the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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