wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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