I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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