think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
