Sry I called you an 8
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
