420 ftw
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
