1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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