uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
false alarm. still invincible.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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