I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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