fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
