how can u be prego again
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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