we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
